On being home with your kids

Here is something I posted on Milwaukeemoms.com under the "Stay at home Moms" board:

I recently heard a talk (it was actually at Church but you don't have to be religious to relate) that made me think about this time as a SAHM in a different light and thought I'd share.

The talk started out talking about how we as human beings go through phases in life. From childhood to adolescence we focus most of our energy on becoming ourselves as individuals. In the next phase of early adulthood we find our "other" and as we date and perhaps get married we want to spend every waking minute with that other person. As time goes on, we yearn for something more to put our energy into and we have children. We then invest a majority of our energy raising our children. Finally, once our children leave the nest, we once again need to turn outwards with our energy and we begin to find ways to help or develop ourselves in the outside community. So there is a natural progression from narrow to broader as we pass through the stages of life.

Hearing this, I started to think about how these days as young adults so many people expect that you should be living in all the "stages" simultaneously so to speak. There seems to be the expectation that you should be able to have kids, have a career, be a volunteer, follow every dream right here right now, and it is just not always feasible to do this all RIGHT now. It often takes a lifetime! Even as a SAHP we think we should be doing "even more" - starting our own business, doing this doing that (all of which is fine and good in moderation).

I just found it reassuring to recognize and be reminded that there is a natural progression of stages in life and there is no need to rush through them and try to live our entire lives at once! I know that I will not regret taking this time to really BE with my children and help them learn in all the little subtle unrecognized day to day ways that form their character. From reading some of the posts on this board and from paying attention to my own thoughts at times it seems like a lot of times we SAHMs don't really recognize the beauty of our decision, that we are choosing to really take advantage of this unique time in our lives and the lives of our children to spend time making a strong foundation for them. Everyone is so eager to RUSH through the natural progression of things. We want our babies to be ahead physically, know their ABC's sooner, eat with a spoon before the other babies. We think we have to send kids to school earlier and earlier so they can have an easier "adjustment". We think they have to be socialized so maybe if we start earlier and earlier that will make them more socialized when really there is a natural progression to that too. Babies and toddlers first need a strong attachment to an adult, preferrably a parent. THEN they are ready later to begin to attach to others - if you fulfill that need for a secure attachment early on, then they will be ready to be independent later. If you force independence too soon, you risk messing with their sense of trust.

My point in all this is that there is a natural progression, and that once we can slow down and enjoy the stage we're in it takes a huge pressure off of us and allows a lot more enjoyment. At this stage I am really enjoying being home with my kids and taking responsibility for a lot of their growth. I hope other SAHMs are feeling the same way!