This is a bittersweet Christmas season. Bitter, because I feel embittered by life. I feel like the cares of the world have been weighing me down so much that I must look like an old woman. I feel old. I feel tired of trying so hard. I have the feeling like I want to go home, but this is home, only I don't feel like it inside. It's that growing pain feeling which signifies that something has changed within you, and you are fighting it. Where you want everything to just get back to "normal" and you haven't realized yet that there has to be a new normal, one you haven't settled into yet. And by the time you do get settled in, it will be time to change again. That's just life I guess.
But it is sweet, because Christmas is all about how an innocent little baby came into a weary world and brought fresh hope and life. And in my life I have a fresh new baby who will be experiencing the traditions and warmth of Christmas for the first time. And I can see the world through his eyes. He won't see all the work annd stress that goes into making it a magical time, but through his eyes, and Jimmy's and Barbara's I will be able to see that magic again, and remember how it feels to be young and unburdened. In their eyes I can see joy.
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