How can this guy be so darn sweet at times and yet such a stinker all rolled into one? This is my first go round with sibling rivalry and it is kicking my butt some days. Up until now my kids have been very accepting and loving of their newest siblings. The mixture of age/spacing, genders and personalities had worked in our favor. Also, the older two were more verbal when the baby was born, which I'm sure aided in the expression of frustrations in non-physical ways.
Sam literally went from being a happy, easygoing super chill baby (People would always comment on how happy and laid back he was) to be a crazed maniac once Leo was born, which also coincided with him turning two a few months later.
Sam can be sweet with Leo, but he is pretty horrible to him much of the time. He will walk by and just push him over for no reason, he grabs things away from him, kind of sits on him, hits him, and generally seems to want to be rid of him. Now that Leo is at a fun to play with, he will laugh and play and have fun with him, but the second you turn your back inevitably Leo will start crying and Sam will be running in the other direction.
When we go for walks Sam will kick the seat in front of him where Leo is sitting, or if they are in the double jogger he will eventually reach over and start doing things to bug him. It is constant! I am always having to reprimand him and watch his interactions like a hawk.
We've been consistently giving time outs and sometimes even spanks.
We've been trying to give lots of individual attention to offset the jealousy, which he eats up, but it hasn't put a dent in the Leo abuse.
One morning it was so bad I pulled out a whole stack of my parenting books! I was just trying to get dressed so that I could then do some kind of constructive activity to keep him occupied, but I couldn't even get to that point!
If you have any ideas for me I'm all ears. I MUST protect Leo, it's in my job description, and I MUST train up Sammy to be a decent, law abiding citizen, that's in the job as well! :) So give me your best ideas here people...
P.S. Even you Maggie, despite our "Just because I'm not a parent yet doesn't mean I don't have ideals" vs. "Just wait until you actually have your child and you'll see" arguments. I'll even be willing to listen to your ideal solutions. I'm THAT tired of taking on my two year old. ;) joking!
1 comment:
This post made me laugh--but only because I don't live at your house! But I used to have a VERY similar situation. :) And since you know how *awesome* my kids ALWAYS behave(read sarcastically if you don't know me), you don't have to worry about me being on some sort of pedestal with advice--here's what has worked for us (ish), some of which we talked about on Sunday.
--Timeouts should be twice the length of his age, or more if you feel it's necessary, and if you can figure out a way to strap him into something like a high chair--do it. That way you don't have to discipline him while he is IN timeout already. And for a guy who loves movement, having it restrained REALLY stinks.
--He should really hate his life in timeout. Do it consistently for every single offense for a couple days--maybe days when you don't have a lot going on--and you should notice a marked improvement. It's like timeout boot camp. If you put in some INTENSE training for a couple days, it'll pay off for at least a week or two before you have to boot camp again!!!
--I am totally not opposed to spanking, but I am someone who can't spank in these situations because I get way. too. angry. So if I could calmly strap offender (it was always the biggest boy) in timeout in another room and leave him there for five or so minutes to cool my head, while at the same time making him really hate the consequence,it was a win-win. And I didn't have to cry my eyes out about his behavior or MY behavior.
--Establish a "hands to yourself" policy. Too much injury comes from "huglies"--hugs turned ugly. (Remind me to show you Joey's scar.) He can gain the priviledge of touching his brother again when he demonstrates that he won't try to injure him. It won't be long, so don't worry that he will be emotionally detached from Leo. Soon Leo will be able to defend himself better.
--No positive reinforcement worked at all for us in our situation. Not saying it can't be done, but there was no sticker chart in the world that could have stopped my bulldozer of a two year old from slamming his brother into random walls, or tackling him while he was taking his first steps. Awesome.
--If it helps, the boys have become best friends 2-3 years later, even though I was sure that their relationship would be irreparably damaged a number of times, especially that day we spent at the ER. :)
--Prayers, Invoking patrons and guardian angels, and remembering that parenting is the ultimate exercise in humility!!!!
--Love ya! Hope any of this helps--good luck!
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